Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Always

You. Me. Lost. Searching.
Life. Hard. Vile. Confusing.
People. Beautiful. Blessing. Regardless.
God. Forgiving. Merciful. Kind.
 
Cancer. 25. Why. WHY?!
Nothing. Everything. Faithless. Ignorant.
Health. Precious. Given. Grateful.
Family. Me. Her. Them. Us.
God. Faithful. Always. Always.
 
God. Faithful. Always. ALWAYS!

Friday, October 19, 2012

The way to The Way

Pain so deep it confuses you
Makes you forget your name
Who you are, where you are, Whose you are

Pain so real you can see it
Smell it, touch it

Pain so fresh it's almost attractive
Almost beautiful, almost seductive
Almost...

Pain! Deep!! Real!!! FRESH!!!
Everything and nothing

How can everything you feel consume all that you are and leave you with nothing?
How can you understand that there is a better way to think but keep feeling?
How can I, by the Grace of God, feed your soul when mine is starving, stagnant and repulsive?
If I can't practice what I preach then I have no business blogging.

I'm leaving  for a while...
Till I can put pen to paper and smile as I write, not cry
Till I feel again that the words I write are not mine but God inspired
Till He leads me back to The Way and off the way to The Way
Till then...
John 14:6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me"
***
 
 
Alot is happening and between my health, school, work and family i need a minute to see the leaves on trees. I'll  be back someday, reading your blogs, leaving annoying, long comments and posting hilarious nonsense that somehow ends up meaning something. If you need someone to pray with or just talk to send me an email or holla on twitter or skype and i'll be there for you, by His grace of course :)
 
Stay blessed!

Monday, September 3, 2012

Getting People

Justice - when you get what you deserve
Mercy - when you don't get what you deserve
Grace - when you get what you don't deserve (positively)

Fran - 60 yrs old. My former housemate (yes, i lived with a 60yr old for 6 months, now close your mouth and read), the one who gave me meds for free and called someone to stay with me at the hospital in Cysts, Stones and Gypsies , the one who prayed for me everyday and reminded me to ask myself how anything i'm thinking of doing will bring God glory, the one who revived my love of wanting to be a beacon of light for Jesus everyday, the one who got married on saturday!



Gbemi - everybody's big aunty on twitter, the one who has opened her home in Houston to me without ever asking my story(i was there again this weekend, remember THIS post?) , the one whose family is now my family, the one who shines so bright and loves so hard it makes your cheeks hurt from smiling in wonderment, the one who nearly killed me with craw fish!
Look how cute they are, my blackness is a prayer point:(

Craw fish with potatoes and corn on the cob
I promise it's the pepper and
not our love for food that
has us looking so serious.
 
Chiki - My precious, cousin, sister and best friend. The one who has heard all my miserable tales and kept them, the one who will never throw a pity party for me, the one who listens and never judges, the one who cracks up hard at my horribly dry jokes, the one who loves like she's never been hurt, the one whom i dedicate Emeli Sande's My Kind of Love video to (cos i'll get in trouble in a heartbeat for her lol), the one whose birthday was on the 29th of August.

 

 
People are awesome! God uses people to bless us and remind us that He'll always be here for us. People are the ones who physically hold us when we're done praying and need shoulders to cry on. When you've gotten understanding, please get people because they are the ones you will call at 2am when life gives you a flying kick. God graces us with people and i say grace because after all the times we've failed Him and people, we really don't deserve to have people.
 
May the Grace of God always be with you and may the size of your sin never limit your understanding of it but open your heart to appreciating it. I love you guys very much, Happy Labour Day and have a blessed week
 
P.S
Houston was awesome as usual, i didn't eat suya due to a series of unfortunate events but was able to stuck up on my naija supplies and the craw fish experience will keep me going for a while:D Fran's wedding was in Cypress (40mins out of Houston) so i used to opportunity to go get loved on by Gbemi. I also met Nugwa (@nugwatweets) and KitKat, see all that gragra she forms on her blog ehn, remember "wotchugondoabourrit"? Notin! She is super sweet and i had good laughs spending the day with them.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Wood and strings

Lent you Outsiders and my new Badu
While you were thinking I didn't have a clue
Tough to sort files with your voice in my head
So then I bribed you downstairs with a Malboro Red
And now I feel so small discovering you knew
How much more torture would you have put me through?
You probably saw me laughing at all your jokes
Or how I didn't mind when you stole all my smokes

***

Her name is Cherry, we've just met
But already she knows me better than you
She understands me, after 18 years
And you still don't see me like you ought to do

Maybe we could talk 'bout things
If you was made of wood and strings
While I love her every sound
I don't know how to tune you down

And you're so thick and my patience thin
So I got me a new best friend
With a pickup that puts you to shame
And Cherry is her name

And when I'm lonely, Cherry's there
And she plays along while I sing out my blues
I could be crying and you don't care
You won't call me back, you're stubborn as a mule

Maybe we could 'bout things
If you was made of wood and strings
You might think I 've gone too far
I'm talking 'bout my new guitar

Bwahahahahaha!!! Get your stinky little minds out the gutter :p This is just one of my favourite songs by Amy Winehouse. The first part is from the song You Sent me flying while the second part is titled Cherry and it's a skit after the first one on her Frank album.
I loved Amy Winehouse! I never agreed with the way she lived but i loved her music and it is sad that for me she is one of those rare talents that will never be replaced in the music industry. She died a year ago today on July the 23rd, 2011.

Life is hard, life is really, really hard and the truth is that we have all made bad choices and will still make bad choices even when we know better. I also know that tough love works but tough love is not cruel and sometimes, all it takes is a smile and a kind gesture to change someone's perception of the world. Be kind to people, even when there's no reason to be, especially when it hurts!

In the words of Kimya Dawson, if you wanna burn yourself, remember that I love you; send me an IM, I'll be your friend.

God bless you.

Here's a listen to both songs, Cherry starts at 5:18 after You Sent Me Flying. It starts a little slow and melodramatic but warms up beautifully and i love how she keeps you guessing about what exactly she's on about... Enjoy!

The link for mobile readers http://youtu.be/TwV5xUxBDxE


Friday, July 13, 2012

Young Adult (Running Scared)

Some people become adults when they become married (however old they are then), some do when they move out of their parent's home while others become adults when they get into college or start working. I, Dooshima Mabonga at 25 years of age became an adult when i used MY money to buy a TV last week.



Now, buying a TV is not a big deal in itself per se. It's just that when you're an irresponsible brat who would rather spend money on food, lingerie, unnecessary road trips and friends than on where you live (hello everyone who saw my apartment in Abj) then buying any sort of furniture becomes a HUGE deal.

School starts in about a month and i'll be moving into an apartment 2 days before that (not student housing o *side eye*) all the while working full time and i'm scared out of mind. Talking of being scared, did i mention i killed a snake all by myself last Friday?






















As I was saying, I'm scared of failing because i graduated (undergrad) in 2008 and i know my brain is rusty.

I'm scared of not finding the right roommate (roommate, housemate, flatmate same difference jor) to rent the other bedroom and
I'm even more scared that said roommate will up and leave without notice and i'll be stuck with bills i can't pay without feeding on my nails and hair.

I'm scared of not getting a job in my field till i'm done with Grad School but then again,
I'm scared that leaving my job will be me kissing goodbye to ever being a School Counsellor ( I need at least 2years of Teaching experience with a Masters to qualify for this, I have just 6months and i'm exausted).

I'm scared that i'm no longer scared of marriage and relationships.

I'm scared that there's so much trouble in Nigeria and all fingers are ending up on praying Nigerians who have been accused of praying and doing nothing else while the accusers accuse and do nothing else.

I'm scared that one day i'll have a nasty argument with someone on twitter over the last fear but above all,

I am scared of losing my faith.

I have hope though that this all is going to work out and God is going to make grace and favour be with me and my people so i'm happy and still a little tired but not so scared.

The best part though is having faith, because faith is stronger than anything hope could ever hope to be. So i'm holding onto my faith (and that of praying Nigerians) and smiling because i know that no matter what, no matter how, it will all be ok and this experience like every other will not be a weist. ;)

But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts and always be ready to give a defence to everyone who asks you a reason for the faith that is in you, with meekness and fear; having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evil doers, those who revilde your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed 1Peter 3:15-16

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Corn Dog Elbows

*There's a beautiful story by Sola Macaulay (Maid of Heart) at the bottom so if you don't care to know what's been up with me scroll down and enjoy :(

Update
My little (half) sister wrote some silly poem about her little brother where his skin tastes like chicken, jaws like pie, has sugar drop candies for eyes, corn dog elbows and yummy french fries for toes. It's ridiculously awesome and makes me appreciate my family.

I'm fine by the way, thank you so much, so, so, much for all the emails, text messages and tweets. It's all behind now and i'm grateful to God for His mercies on His stubborn little baby who hardly does anything right. God is pretty cool and i love Him.

On my not so short stint away,  I drove 8hrs (16to and fro) to Mississippi, 6hrs (12 really) to Louisiana and went roller coaster riding at 6 flags, fun!!! I also got a speeding ticket and hospital bill that knocked the breath out of me, lol but such is life.

Rememer Maid of Heart? Yeah, one of  'The Few Good Ones' that just upped and left Blogger without a warning? Yup, the one with Faith Dames , that one! She's also known as *drum roll* Sola Macaulay (yaaaaaaay!!! Anonymous spell broken) and she put up a post a while back that had the hairs on my body standing from excitement at her imaginations, the creativity of the Almighty Creator and the inspiration from the story. Read and stay blessed :*


Fish Tale by Sola Macaulay

“Father, Mother, I had a dream that I’m going to be used by God.”

Papa and Mama Fish stared at their 800th son, their mouths hanging open. They wondered if they heard him right. Mama Fish was the first to recover as she swam towards her son.

“Are you sure about this, dear?” She said, touching her fin to his, the look of concern written all over her face.

“Yes, Mama. I have a special duty to perform.”

Daddy fish guffawed. “Listen to me, son fish. We’re fishes. We don’t get used by God. We get eaten by bigger fishes or people if we get caught or we spawn till we’re aged.”

“But dear,” Mama Fish responded, “don’t you think…”

“Nonsense, mama fish. Son fish is dreaming.”

Leaving his parents to argue, son fish swam out of the home cave and bumped into his brother at the entrance.

“I heard everything. So you think you’re special.” He smirked.

“I don’t know if I’m special,” he flutters his fins like a shrug, “I just know that I’m going to be used by God.”

“Huh!” Said his brother and blew bubbles at him.

Son fish swam out of the cave and felt an unusual current of water sucking him away. He glided on around his home and suddenly he saw a bright light in the distance. It was brighter than any light he’d seen, even brighter than when the sun pierced through the continental shelf. He became curious and began to swim. He swam up to the outer fringes of their territorial waters, following still after the bright light. Tired, exhausted but determined, he pushed on until the bright light moved closer to him and settled on the spot where he stopped. Just then another rush of current swirled up fine sand around him. When the dust settled, he saw a shiny button on the sea bed. He dove down and picked it up with his mouth. It was a treasure of inestimable value.

Suddenly, he felt a rush of bubbles in the water. He knew the familiar sound very well and he knew he had gone far, too far for Papa Fish to rescue him. A big white fish swam steadily in his direction. He clamped his mouth tightly and swam as fast as he could, the big fish hot on the chase. The swish swash of strong current spun him around till he came face to face with fate. Clenching his jaws tight against the shiny button, he waited. The big fish lunged at him and in that moment when he expected to end in the belly of this formidable enemy, the strong current pushed him up out of the grasp of the big fish.

A few seconds later he heard another familiar clunk in the water and this time he knew what he had to do. With the gold button firmly in his mouth, he opened wide just enough to accommodate the hook that pierced his jaw. The hook tugged and pulled him through the water up into the hands of a kind looking, bearded fisherman in flowing white tunic. He wriggled and thrashed himself against the wooden boat as the fisherman removed the hook from his mouth and peered closely to retrieve the gold button.

The fisherman smiled, wiped the gold coin and flung son fish into a basket. Son fish thrashed one more time, feeling exhilarated. Even as he took his last breathe, there was a knowing deep down that he had just been used for the Master.

"And when they were come to Capernaum, they that received tribute money came to Peter, and said, Doth not your master pay tribute?

He saith, Yes. And when he was come into the house, Jesus prevented him, saying, What thinkest thou, Simon? of whom do the kings of the earth take custom or tribute? of their own children, or of strangers?

Peter saith unto him, Of strangers. Jesus saith unto him, Then are the children free.

Notwithstanding, lest we should offend them, go thou to the sea, and cast an hook, and take up the fish that first cometh up; and when thou hast opened his mouth, thou shalt find a piece of money: that take, and give unto them for me and thee." Matthew 17:24-27
*

YOU are special
YOU were created for a purpose and
YOU are loved. You've always been and you always will be. Happy 4th of July!


We made puppets with  lunch bags and flags with thumb prints :D

Monday, May 21, 2012

Cysts, Stones and Gypsies

It all started like a joke!
On Wednesday (9th of May), I got home from work sick! I had a banging head ache, was freezing and couldn't stop sneezing for the life of me. I simply went straight to bed because i knew that when my flatmate (who is a nurse) got home from work shortly before midnight, her phone convo would wake me up, i would go meet her and she would get off the phone to take care of me. Which was exactly what happened, she prayed for me and handed me 7 obese pills!

Peanut butter toast, what was left of my hot chocolate and the bad guys


On Sunday (13th of May), my flatmate had family over for dinner and we grilled hamburgers, talked, laughed and just had a good time together. 30minutes after dinner, i realised i was down with severe heartburn. I've had heartburns before so i know for sure what they are like but this was so much worse, the pain wouldn't go away and i couldn't swallow anything (even saliva) without feeling like i had just shoved a rock down my throat. Again, my roommate was there to love on me, pray for me and hand me more pills, the irony!

On Monday (14th of May), I got to work feeling miserable. My throat hurt and i was coughing and sneezing. Later on, one of my colleagues looked at me, smiled and went 'It's the baby room, you finally caught something huh? Welcome!'. I got 2 extra hours at work but they were in the Baby Room and apparently, you're not a teacher till you've caught something from the kids so it made me feel a little better because i knew that once my immune system got over the whole thing i would be stronger and more resistant to little viruses.

Thursday - May 17, 2012
I felt great, everything was fine. I had alot of fun at work, was healthy, happy and grateful to God for good health and Shonda Rhimes.
Playing dress up/ goofing off/ being hot messes!


Friday - May 18, 2012
I woke up with a sore throat, husky voice, banging head ache, coughs and sneezes. It hurt to talk but i had to say almost everything twice because no one could hear me... Long day!

Saturday - May 19, 2012
I woke up at about 2.30am with a sharp pain on my lower right. I got up to go pee and quickly realized that i couldn't stand up straight or walk right. Tears streamed down, the pain wouldn't go away. I said silent prayers. I said loud prayers. I begged God to take it away. I hurt like i had never hurt before and was sure i would die if i did nothing. So i dressed up, told my flatmate's in-law i was going to the hospital and headed out. My flatmate was gone to San Antonio for the weekend and her in-law had 2 little boys so i didn't even bother asking her to take me considering the waking up, car seats and all that wahala.

Anyway, as i drove out i almost regretted not begging her to take me because hitting the gas with my right foot made the pain alot worse but i carried my cross silently as tears streamed down my face and tried to watch where i was going. My flatmate called me about 5minutes after i had left the house because her in-law had called and told her, she prayed for me and said she was going to tell one of our friends to meet me at the hospital but i told her not to bother because i didn't want anyone driving out in the dark for something that might be nothing. That was me forming Miss Independent by the way, lol. Obviously and thankfully, she paid me no mind because 2minutes later another friend (who is also a nurse and had just gotten off the mid-night shift an hour earlier) called me to say she would meet me at the ER.

*Sidenote: the hospital branch 5 minutes from my home turned out to be a clinic without 24hr service so i had to drive 20minutes to Tyler in pain.

I got to the hospital at about 3:20am and to my surprise there was a line, some silently but obviously in pain and very sick while others loud and offensive. I didn't get a bed till about 5am by which time most of the pain was gone but when i was asked for a urine sample and saw blood stream out of me like a running tap, i lost all control and broke down again.

Too silly to take anything serious :p


Beth! :)













I didn't just cry, i wailed. #sissy
After all the tests and poking in every imaginable place, even the unnecessary ones - the nurse couldn't get an IV line in on the first try so she kept poking and shoving the bloody needly into my arm till she finally got it right- the doctor narrowed it down to kidney stones and ovarian cysts, stock me up on prescription painkillers and referred me to a Doctor to see on monday for more tests.




Sunday, 20th May
I woke up with pink eye.

Monday, 21st May
I went to get registered at the hospital and set an appointment with the doctor but one of the nurses was gracious enough to tell me that i didn't have anything to worry about because if it was a kidney stone then the pain was normal and the bleeding meant it was very close to passing out. If it was an ovarian cyst then the bleeding and pain meant it had dissolved on it's own and finally, the pink eye wasn't pink eye but just sinus blockage that would go away with so and so medication.

It's still monday and it's about a quarter past 10pm. I still hurt a little and my eye is still a little swollen and a little red but i am happy and grateful to God for good health and friends who have become family (chief ref to my iBlend fam, Shanpepe, Felicia, Doosh, Hassan and Gbemi). I refuse to believe that this just happened and i was just lucky but see it as a blessing and a miracle from God. I have people here but it's not the same as being home with your mum and cousins and aunties and uncles to fuss over you AND pay your bills (i am still saying silent prayers as i wait for my bill by the way) so i am grateful that by His grace, the worse is over and when the doctor finally sees me, there will be nothing to diagnose.

I was gonna talk about being tagged a gypsy because of my constant moving (3times within the last 8 months and i'll be moving again in August) but this has gotten ridiculously long so i'll just save the gist for another post.

Please keep my health in your prayers and always remember that God loves you.
Stay blessed :*

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Death died

Death came
I was walking The Walk, happy, graceful
Death stared
It looked familiar but felt different
Death changed
It was slow this time, sly and fierce
Death struck
I stopped singing praises
Death struck
I stopped tweeting praises
Death struck
I started dying slowly, lost my way, wasn't living in sin per se just wasn't living in the Lord
Death struck
I couldn't pray,  I still read my bible day and night but couldn't spend 5 straight minutes in prayer
Death slipped
Every single time that i read the Bible, there was a Word for me
Death fell
I learnt to download, play, sing along and dance to gospel songs
Death shrieked
I felt the presence of God, His grace, mercy and love wash over me
Death gasped
I fell and rose, fall and rise, am falling and rising, falling but rising
Death died
I was lost but praise be to God, I am found.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Miss Elizabeth!

*I walk into the classroom feeling sexy with the braids i just made

Kid A: Miss Elizabeth, you look bald!
Kid B: No, she doesn't! She just needs a hair cut.
Kid C: *squinting* She looks like a Marine...
Kid D: Miss Elizabeth, you look just like my mum! She has that kind of dress and those kind of shoes and that kind of face
Me: Is this a good face?
Kid D: Yeah, it is. It's a great face!

***
Kid: Why do you have black all over?
Me: Errrm... 'cos i like the shirt and i wanted to go all black today.
Kid: No! I mean, why do you have black all over your skin?
Me: I was born that way baby, there are black people and there are white people
Kid: Oh... So we're all born white and some people turn black when they grow up?
Me: No, some people are born black and some people are born white. I was born black love
Kid: Hm... but if some some people are born black how come all the kids in this class are white?
Me: That's just 'cause there are no black kids in here, I promise you there are black babies. Every black person you see was born black
Kid: Oh... *Looks relieved for a second then sits back looking even more confused*


***
Normally, I'm with the 4s and 5s (pre-k) but I have been a substitute with the 3yr olds for a couple of weeks now and i've grown to absolutely love them too. They are not allowed to sit on their cots when they are piled up after nap time but i usually sit on the pile to watch them eat during snack time. One of the kids always rushes his meal so he can join me and I always let him. Anyway, i was coming back from the restroom one day and met his mum on the corridor, this is what happened...
Mum: *Laughing but looking embarassed* I'm so sorry Elizabeth but i have to tell you this
Me: It's ok, what's wrong?
Mum: Well, i walked into the classroom and saw my kid sitting on the cots but before i could say anything he went 'It's ok mum, my brown teacher said i can sit here'!
All I could do was drop my face in my palm and laugh my heart out. Who cares about political correctness? Innocence is bliss.

***
It's been a long day, the kids have been crazy and I'm just sitting, trying to rest while I watch them play in their centres. One of the kids leaves his centre, grabs a book and walks up to me
Kid: Miss Elizabeth, can you please read this book to me?
Me: *Frowning and looking at the centre where he's supposed to be but deciding to play nice* Errrrm... Ok
Kid: Can i sit in your lap?
Me: *Starting to panic 'cause this is one of my most difficult kids and he's not the fuzzy kind* Errrrm... sure baby
Kid: *Sitting and snuggling close* I love you Miss Elizabeth!

On my birthday with some of my darlyns :D



I love my kids! They drive me crazy sometimes and there have been days when I've been seconds short of grabbing my purse and quitting but there is something about children that no matter how difficult they get, you can't help but love them. Children are amazing, they are giving, loving, sincere and above all, forgiving and I can see why Jesus would say "Unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me." Matthew 18:3-5

This has been one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life and there's nothing more precious than having a little child help build your faith in God.

How una dey?  I get all teary eyed when i get emails from you guys, i love you all so much and i am grateful for the opportunity to share stories and experiences with you. May God continue to bless and help you grow to be everything He made you to be.

P.S
My friend, Andy, is having a blogathon this month themed "Write like no one is reading". He is having anyone and everyone submit random posts and he uploads one everyday. I broke the rule a little by writing like everyone was reading, please check it out here-----> Cool Beans and you can holla at him through email or the comment box if you want to submit a post.

P.P.S
If you ever call me Eliza fowl will jam you :p :*
Stay blessed

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Beauty from insanity












Empty roads, street lights, starless skies...

**Get into your car between 11pm and 4am, wind down the windows, drive slow, get Frou Frou, The Calling, James Morrison or whoever you're 'feeling' on the stereo and let everything you see become your muse.

Everyday we make decisions; some good, some bad. Some days we get almost everything right, other days we get it all wrong. But like the street lights in the rearview mirror, the moment has passed and the deed is done. So the best thing to do is look ahead through the windshield because we'll see more streetlights on an even bigger road.

Everyday, we make mistakes but the starless skies are like our tomorrows, the starless skies are like our fresh starts, the starless skies are like the new mercies of God every morning. If you get it right the second time, celebrate. If you don't get it right, still celebrate. The fact that you know you didn't get it right is the first step to getting it right.

A late night drive like reality may not always be happiness, inspiration and bright lights, once in a while, you'll have to park by the road, wind up (for security) and cry your heart out. But when you're done, wind those windows back down so the fresh air can blow away your hurt as you continue on your journey.

If you've never done this before i beg you to try it some night. Feel the magic. Experience the beauty. Stop for a moment and take it all in.


The road, street signs and streetlights may be man-made but they were inspired by God and a starless sky is one of the most refreshing things to gaze at. The beauty you see may look the same every night but it feels different every single night.

Thank God for sight, thank God for beauty and above all, thank God for a sound mind.

Yup, we can see this! Yup, she and the picture are beautiful. But no, Wandoo's mind isn't always sound! Lmho *snort*

God bless you

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Impossible light!

I know this...

*
I love how all the constellations are named after Greek heroes
It reminds me that even the immortals, they have vices too

I love around 5am when all the lights dim
After the sexy ones have become middle aged in their 12 hour lifespans
When the glitter fades and rests more like sad stars than gold leaf

I love naked, white sheets, how they work like paint thinner to remove last nights fresco
How they dry you off after soaking in a tub of room temperature lovers

I love the cab rides you take back into yourself
Away from the still beautiful people who are all elsewhere
Doing impossibly beautiful things

When you arrive home, you will greet the mirror like a criminal in a line up
With premeditated sins, armed with brass knuckles and all the good intentions
Buried far beneath the rap sheet

I planned to be a sinner tonight
Could have been something else
But looked way too good in my red dress to be anything Christian

I was talking to 3 different men in 5 different languages
I was twisting a blunt straw into page 47 of the kama sutra
I was dancing in an attempt to melt the belts off every man in the room

But I heard the truth that night!

A Turk, speaking Spanish, didn't know me from Adam said
"Tú creas en Dios pero tu haces malas cosas”
'You believe in God, but you do bad things'

Suddenly, I realized I was in a place where all they play is house music
But can’t say I really felt at home
In a barely audible, barely recognizable zone
Between having a good time and simply wasting it

I was a glutton with a grin, drinking warm gin, knowing no one’s name
but somehow I was everyone’s friend
I was standing in stilettos that made me six feet tall
but still felt small
I was messing up the shoes I paid too much for and still hurt to walk in

Talk about conviction!

Truth is, nobody believes me when I say I’m a virgin
Truth is, the bible didn't see the inside of my face for a week while i was on vacation
Truth is, I’m not innocent
I’m just an abstinent fireplace that doesn’t wanna feel the fire kindles between her legs anymore

So don’t mind the ashes, they’re just evidence of how brightly I can glow
And I wanna glow hard, like one dim star
On an otherwise starless night
That shines just to prove its fidelity

I know what you must think of me,
“What hypocrisy!”
But I don’t wanna enter prayer reeking of my addiction, stinking of cologne
I don’t want God to smell another man on me
Mistaking ménage à trois for the Trinity

So thank God the stars don’t judge us for what we do beneath them
Thank God the stars don't see the evil we commit under their names
Thank God for the silence, for the dimness, for nights spent alone,
Thank God for friends who know more than just your bra strap 
And thank God for cab rides home

'Cause tonight, I'm gonna strip the spotlight
Tonight, I'm gonna turn off Frank Ocean
Tonight, I'm gonna take off  the stilettos
I'm gonna take off the tourquoise rings
I'm gonna take off the lip gloss
And i'm gonna sleep naked
Not trying to be sexy just trying to be me, a girl
With a shaved head and with eyes deep enough to stand in
With convictions strong enough to stand on

I'm finding the mercy of God right where i'm standing and
It's binding, it's blinding, it's forgiveness
But most of all,
It's mine!

So tonight, I'm gonna sit out on the fire escape and
I'm gonna sit there eating an apple and
I'm gonna nickname the view "Eden" and
I'm gonna look up at those tragic stars
With their pagan hearts full of mourning and i'm gonna say
"What a fall? But what light, what impossible light?"

*Cab rides and the morning after by Alysa Harris.

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity... Psalm 32 :1-2a

Here is a video of her performance and the link ( http://youtu.be/JQHdECyAKIk ) if you can't see it on your phone. Stay blessed!

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Houston, home away from home

*razz post alert

How una dey? Hmmmm... that's how i decided to meet and spend a couple of days with Gbemisoke in Houston o, turns out i've been on a dulling p all this while. As soon as i got there, babe didn't even let me get into the house, she asked me to follow her to go get us ogi and akara for breakfast. I was like "Ehn? Ogi and akara ke?" I kukuma flew into the car with my kpakrikpa to see for myself.

The name of the store 'Onola Imports African Foods' didn't really trip me, these are what got me rolling with laughter and joy
No comment
Do you see the mortar? lmho!

There was "salad cream", ribena, cheese balls, custard and stuff you only find in naija.  You should have seen me running around, touching things and smiling like a bush girl. I was sooo happy. We were a little too late for the akara so we just went home and made breakfast but the fact that i was in a place where naija goodies were accessible kept me excited.

Next, we took the kids to IKEA for a radio disney abi na disney radio show, how we ended up eating licking chopping consuming frozen yogurt in the rain is a hilarious tale for another day.

On Sunday, we went to Redeemed for service. Aondo wam man terlem e! Chai! Women were in iro and buba, others had on onigogoro that were reaching for the skies and the ushers had on long skirts and those ridiculously wide hats you only see in (naija) churches. I was almost in tears mehn, i felt so at home and super excited. Like i said on twitter, Gbemi was the first Nigerian i had seen in 6 months and so was the number of black people at RCCG that day and i just couldn't stop smiling and staring.


Anyway, after service, an old friend took me out for naija lunch. I had one correct nkwobi like that ehn? Kai! To make matters better, he took us to an aboki's place for koda and kaza (kidney and chicken) to go and then dropped me off at Gbemi's. You should have seen her reaction what she saw the arrangee, lmho, all plans for dinner were cancelled. My guy woman commot ijebu garri and sugar sharp-sharp, it was the most hilarious thing
Forget the koda for a quick sec, do u see
the sewing machine? Ehen! It is not for
decoration, 'come an sow clot'
My baybeee... Biko, turn ya neck!
chop chop! See as she set mouth
My daughters' husbands *cough*
My latest stash from Gbemi :D



I had a blast mehn, the 4hr road-trip was totally worth it and though my arms still hurt, my heart is still smiling. Gbemi is an amazing woman of God and I absolutely love her (and her family). I have signed the papers and adopted myself into her family whether she likes it or yes cos this is one is a keeper. May the Lord bless and keep you babe, thank you so much for having me over



P.S
I had plans to move to Houston but i think i'll just make it my safe haven, a little home away from home where i can run to whenever i need to refresh my mind and soul. Did i mention we had pepperish fish pie, puff puff, fried yam with akara and plantain for breakfast the day i left? Dey there!

P.P.S
Dis naija chidren dat sombody whee born in yankee dat whee come an start teaching dia parents how to speak English ehn, hia!
My friend: ....... EnglAnd...
His son: It's not EnglAnd daddy, it's EnglEnd! Why do you say it like that?!
Me: *side eye*
****
Gbemi: Don't step into the wota!
Nathan: Woter? Woter? Wader rather!
Me: *side eye*


God bless you guys and have a great day everyone :*

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Old Roger

I wrote this piece to be my after life post. I was going to leave it in my drafts, give my cousin my blogger password and have it posted after i passed on (that's if i died before her). But as i wrote, i wondered how many people needed to read this TODAY and it just didn't feel like one i should leave in my drafts 'till the right time' like the others.

Secondly, a couple of bloggers have disappeared and we don't know for sure if they just got tired of blogging or are dead so i beg you guys to let us know if you decide to stop blogging and/or write a letter from beyond and have someone publish it after you've passed. I know say una blood dey hot for dis dormot so you don't have to agree with me or do it o, i just think that people who think they are dying leave no holds barred and good or bad that's the kind of thing people who don't think they are dying need to read. This will still be my letter from beyond by the way, just wanted to share.

***

If you're reading this then it means i am dead. Yes, dead and gone like old Roger! Seriously though, I obviously don't know how i died but my sincere prayer is that i'm in heaven sitting beside my Daddy.  See, you are still alive! Forget what the world will think of you and give your life to Christ. Life is too short to be messing around, trying to please people. If you're not sure that there is a God out there then i beg you to err on the right side, give your life anyway ('cause what do you have to lose afterall) and see for yourself why the gospel has survived after 2,000 years of persecution.

Forgive your family and friends, love them, with all your heart! Preach the gospel as if the world is ending tomorrow because it just might and above all, love God. Love God with emotions and actions so strong you can't describe, love God as if not loving Him will be the death of you, love God with every inch of your being, every breath, every move, every word, love God! Love Him, praise Him, give Him everything then sit back and watch Him work wonders.

Being a christian is not beans, don't expect a smooth ride 'just because' you've given your life to Christ. Only expect that no matter how hard it gets you will be blessed with peace so deep it will leave your jaw on the ground. The kind of peace that makes you smile from within and say "na God", that peace that populates heaven and depopulates hell. Psalm 37:25 Hebrews 13:5 I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said "I will never leave you nor forsake you"


Prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me bring love;
Where injury, pardon;
Where doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy!

O divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love;

For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life!

God bless you

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Shots, life!

For Shanpepe


Imagine taking a child for a shot at the hospital, whether you are one of the parents or not it definately means that there is some sort of relationship and a certain level of trust between you two. There is a quick second alot of people never think much of when the kid gets poked with the needle, especially if the child is less than 2 years old, but this second holds the truth to reality and most of what life is truly about. That horrible second when the needle gets in and the child looks at you with shock as if to say "how could you do this to me?" before screaming out in pain, a scream that should by all the laws of physics shatter window panes, and all you want to do is not just hug them but make them understand that the shots are necessary for growth and protection from diseases.

Many times, life feels like getting a(n unnecessary) shot and most times we get mad at God because the pain and struggles we go through make no sense at all. But if you listen closely, if you go back to that second and see the hurt in the adult's eye as the kid screams out in then pain then you'll hear God say something along the lines of "though you may not understand today, tomorrow, next year or ever, I want you to know that i let you go through certain things to help you grow... because i love you". Jeremiah 29:11-12 For i know the thoughts that i think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me and I will listen to you.

There are no words good enough to comfort someone who is mourning but then again, when God takes people away from us it's possible that it has nothing to do with us but that their time was just up. And if that is the case then be assured more than ever that the God who is watching you go through this pain WILL take care of you, He will heal your heart and provide for you. Joshua 1:9 'Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God IS with you wherever you go' and whatever you go through.

God bless you.

Ps.
Meet my future husband Mali Music *cheesy smile* and (try to ignore his awesomeness but) listen to the lyrics. Pay close attetion to 1:59-259, especially from 2:33. I love you!



If you can't see the video on your phone try the direct link http://t.co/udY4lZBk

Monday, February 13, 2012

My precious!

'One man in a thousand will stick closer than a brother and it is worthwile seeking him half your days if you find him before the other'

Chiki, my darlyn, my blood!
This cousin has stuck closer than the proverbial friend who sticks closer than a brother. I love you babe, thank you for listening, caring and always being there for me. I pray for you everyday and cherish every moment we spend together, doing the right things and (almost) getting into trouble. You are my cousin, my sister and cho boki u shima shima. Happy Valentine's day in advance love, may the love and fear of the Lord forever grow in your heart and may you find love, peace and contentment as you follow Him.



*******
Town Hall Meeting!
Una weldone o... After all the querries i've recieved it's obvious that the footnote about the comments wasn't good enough so here's the reason why i disabled comments on this blog. 

 I am not a very good person! I am self-righteous, proud and sometimes put so much focus on the little things that i forget about the bigger picture. I get mad at people who don't drop comments on my blog after i've dropped atleast 3 on their's.
When people comment on how much they loved a post or how much it moved them, i carry it on my head and run with it to Kilimanjaro when even i know that i'm not a good writer and the only reason people are getting blessed is because i am inspired by the Word through personal experiences.
With the comment box on, I find myself hoping every email notification on my phone is from blogger. It is distracting, immature and stupid!

I am not spiritually strong enough to handle comments and that's why i took them down. I will visit your blogs, keep supporting, encouraging and showing you love and only pray that you keep getting blessed as you read from me.

I also pray you stay strong enough to keep the communication and fellowships alive in your comment boxes, I just need a long minute to get my act right. Again, my email address is dooshima2002@yahoo.com and twitter handle is @doshiX, holla whenever you need to talk, pray or just gist. You are my precious and i'll be there for you


Jest keeding, jeeest keeding...


Seriously though, hola if you need anything. God bless you guys so much, thank you for the love and support you've shown over the past year. I value, appreciate our relationships and love you guys with all my heart.
Happy Valentine's Day



Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Hm! Uwuh! Do you know that...

Hey, remember when i told you guys about the trip to Jerusalem where i fell and broke my tooth here? The same trip where our bus driver kept "flinging" his cigarette butts here? Well, a year or 2 before i left, my grandmum also went on pilgrimage and everything about that trip caused laughter for days.

First off, a couple of days before she left, most of us were chilling at my uncle's when someone was sent to get her. We burst out in laughter when we opened the trunk to get her luggage. Mama has more fancy luggage than anyone i know but for some old woman reason she chose an ugly, dirty, scruffy looking bag and filled it with some old, old wrappers and a pair of slippers. That sight was classic. Anyway, after we (the young kids) gave them (the adults aka my mum and her siblings) trouble for expecting her to know what to pack, they decided to take her back to the village, grab better clothes and appropriate shoes and all that wahala.

When mama came back, Lord have mercy, everything was a reminder of the wonders of the white man's land and it always started with "hm! uwuh! do you know that bla bla bla bla?" It was the funniest thing ever and she didn't even care that we were laughing, she'ld say what was on her mind and waka pass.


Anyway, in the midst of all the hilarity, one day she looked at us and went "Hm! All my life i've been in church and read the Bible but never did i imagine that any of that happened on earth. I thought it all happened in the heavens and everyone in the bible was a spirit of sorts but to see everything with my eyes, to touch and feel it means so much more to me. God is really real." The house went mute. It still brings a tear to my eye thinking about it. Mama made sure we were all raised with the fear of God, she lives by the Word and is in Church more than anyone i know but somehow she got her facts mixed up, somehow, there was uncertainty but somehow, she kept pressing on and leading her family towards God.

All i'm trying to say is, in your walk with God you don't need to be certain about everything, just keep holding on because no matter what and no matter how long it takes, the all knowing, ominiscient God will give you clarity and direct your path.

1 John 3:19-20, Deut 31:6
By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything. Be of  good courage and do not fear... for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.

God bless you!

*I'm sorry i disabled my comments, I'll keep reading and commenting on your blogs, please keep coming back here too. If you need to get in-touch with me for anything at all my email (dooshima2002@yahoo.com) and twitter handle (@doshiX) are on the right side of the blog, hola whenever! :*


Thursday, February 2, 2012

Being Abel


After Job had prayed for his friends, the LORD restored his fortunes and gave him twice as much as he had before. Job 42:10

* "AFTER" Job prayed for his friends

** Forgiveness led to restoration

I have been hurt (still am), i have held grudges (still do) and the knowledge of the principles of forgiveness didn't exactly help me forgive so i know that there is nothing i tell you that will ease your pain or take it away completely. But i can point you to God and i can pray for you.

May the Lord heal your heart and give you the grace to forgive those who have hurt you.

God bless you

Saturday, January 28, 2012

What Way? (guest feature)


It was my birthday yesterday *drops laptop, throws hands in the air and runs around screaming "yaaaaaaay"*. I was gonna do a photo post and show you guys how it all went and tell u I had fun and bla bla bla but as an oversabi said 'a year older is a year wiser'. So in celebration of my birthday, I'm going to introduce to you a secret treasure, one of my favourite writters on blogger (note that I didn't call her just a blogger?). She is Fabulo-la and the babe writes, shet! Add her blog Me. And then some to your blog roll and i promise you won't regret it.
Anyhoo, i asked her if i could share this post with you and she agreed. I really hope it speaks to you cos I find myself living it everytime and I pray it reminds you to be cautious too. Enjoy...

 

What Way?

Walking down the path of the way that seems to be right, but the stick in my eye prevents a clear view. My lamp of Judgement aiding my way. My holier-than-thou cloak protecting me against the chill of the pleading stares of passers by, going in the opposite direction, warning me of the stick in my eye. But with the bright light of my 'Judgement lamp' in their faces, they cower away.
How can I with my badge of 'morally upright-ness' associate myself with them?
I pass by a mirror and notice a little stain in my cloak. Black tar-like stain that seems to be growing by the second. I try to wipe it off but it only spreads. Covering it in 'hypocrisy' I leave it. Afterall if no one can see it, it really isn't there.
But as I trudge on, the cloak seems to get heavier and the path dimmer. I refill my judgement lamp with some 'I-am-better-than-you' oil. Just then a passer-by warns me of the trail of tar I am leaving behind and offers to help me clean the cloak.
I yell, accusing her of trying to distract me from the way of the 'right'.
I spit at her, only for the spit to land on my face.
Just then I notice scores of other passers by rushing past me. Right infront of me is the woman who warned me of the stick in my eye. She is in a corner washing away the tar from her cloak.
"Aren't you going in the wrong direction?" she says to me.
'Hmm!' I say to her as I walk hurriedly past her. Careful not to let my cloak get anywhere near her in case she 'stains' it.
The irony.
I hurry along stumbling, as the cloak has gotten heavier and is soaking through my hypocrisy. The stick in my eye has grown and is protruding out my eyeball.
Suddenly I trip and I'm falling. Slowly into a hole. My life if flashed before my eyes and I realise...
I dug the hole with my bare hands. Covered it with hypocrisy and pretence, and now here I am.
Or am not.

Walking down the path of the way that seems to be right, but the stick in my eye prevents a clear view.
I lay my judgement lamp and walk to the 'mirror of truth' to remove the stick in my eye.
And it hurts....


***
God bless you as He delivers you from self-righteousness and leads you to the right path
P.s
My second fave post of her's is I want it all

Friday, January 20, 2012

Global Outreach


There is a lot wrong with the world!

That you can read this post means there are 5 things right with you. You can see, read, have a gadget, have access to the internet and have access to the Word. These are things to be grateful for. They also give you an opportunity to be a blessing and give someone else something to be grateful for - to the glory of God.

No matter where you are and in whatever situation you find yourself, there is always something to be grateful for and an opportunity to minister through your life (the best way to preach the gospel is by living the gospel). But there are times when you have to go out of your way and inconvinience yourself to reach out... missionary work. "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you, and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Amen. Matt28:19-20

If for some reason you can't do the work or make it to a trip please try to contribute either financially or just support them with prayers. Yes, the people in our immediate environment need the gospel and we preach and support them daily but sometimes the missionaries need to go to a different place to not just bless but also grow spiritually and recharge their batteries in order to come back and serve better. And i believe they put it in prayers before leaving and so it is in the will of God.

Anyway, if you're in the U.S and interested in going on a missions trip, my church (Grace Community Church) is organising 3 outreach trips this year and i'ld love for you to pray about it and see if this is for you
1. Romania/Moldova outreach: this will be May 8 to May 21, 2012 and the focus of the team will be women’s discipleship/leadership training. The estimated cost of the trip is $2,000

2. Guatemala outreach: this will be June 2 to June 9, 2012 and the focus will be to build a permanent shelter for a poor family and ministration to children. The estimated cost is $1,300

3. Italy outreach: this will be during the Summer in July, 2012 and the focus is EVERYONE! I don't have information on the details of this trip but i'll come back to share after the meeting on monday.
For more information please go here , click on Events then on Global Outreach and you'll get everything you need including contacts. May God bless and direct you. P.S don't make the mistake of frowning at the cost because you know that i know that if you save 100 bucks off every pay cheque starting from this week you'll have enough. But who am i with my big mouth to tell you what to do? Please pray about it and may God direct you.
**********
On to other issues, how una dey naw? I'm on a soloquising p mehn but i can't complain at all. Training for the new job is today and i'm super excited, i feel like this is The One because it's not just with kids but also in ministry so it's everything in one and i'm grateful to God for it.

I'll leave you guys with my favourite gospel song. This song has seen me through hell and back, it's the voice of God, the voice of reason whenever i find myself struggling with life and i pray it blesses you as it has me. Have a great weekend :*

By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face, just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run, to where will you run?


Chorus:'Cos I'll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
And please don't fight these hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands at my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in and give you life
I wanna give you life
(Chorus 2x)

'Cause I, I love you, I want you to know
That I, yeah I love you, I'll never let you go
No, no
(Chorus 2x)

Here at my side
My hands are holding you



Thursday, January 12, 2012

Wanting


I want to not have to air the house whenever i cook with dry fish!

I want to be able to determine the consistency of my cereal! I didn't realise powdered milk was something to be grateful for talk more of taking it for granted. I miss (Nigerian) powdered milk and right now even Cowbell is a treasure in my heart.

I want my mum to call me and go "When are you coming to Makurdi? So you just want to sit in Abuja and not even come to see mama (my grandmum)?" and i want to give her the same silly reply i used to "Mummy stop quarelling and just tell me you miss me"

I want to go to a salon, have someone wash my hair, soak it with watery setting lotion, roll it in pink, yellow and blue rollers, tie my ears with foam then put me under a drier to set my hair. I want so badly to go to a salon and have them weave my hair and sew in weaves for about N2,500

I want to eat fire-wood flavoured jollof rice with fried meat or chicken that has no yeye flour on it

I want to go to Fam's house on Sunday after church, have lunch (probably with ketchup cos she made it her life's ambition to torture me with pepper), watch movies, sleep, get woken up by her to park inside, do that, go back to bed then wake up at 5am and drive home like a mad woman

I want America to care about something other than America... to report international news and to teach international geography (you won't belive how many times i've explained the difference between Nigeria and Africa to educated adults)

I want to fill up my tank with a little over N3,000 and i want to be able to complain on twitter that the gas price here is twice what it is/used to be in naija... I want the fuel subsidy issue to be resolved!

I just want to drink garri and

I want YOU to know that no matter what and through whatever God loves you. He loves you when you sin and even more when you run to Him for help. He loves you when you don't trust Him to take care of you and understands when you feel like your sins are too many to be forgiven. He loves you always because He is God and there is no sin too horrible, no situation too difficult and no pain too deep for Him to heal. God is love and He loves YOU!