Sunday, March 18, 2012

Impossible light!

I know this...

I love how all the constellations are named after Greek heroes
It reminds me that even the immortals, they have vices too

I love around 5am when all the lights dim
After the sexy ones have become middle aged in their 12 hour lifespans
When the glitter fades and rests more like sad stars than gold leaf

I love naked, white sheets, how they work like paint thinner to remove last nights fresco
How they dry you off after soaking in a tub of room temperature lovers

I love the cab rides you take back into yourself
Away from the still beautiful people who are all elsewhere
Doing impossibly beautiful things

When you arrive home, you will greet the mirror like a criminal in a line up
With premeditated sins, armed with brass knuckles and all the good intentions
Buried far beneath the rap sheet

I planned to be a sinner tonight
Could have been something else
But looked way too good in my red dress to be anything Christian

I was talking to 3 different men in 5 different languages
I was twisting a blunt straw into page 47 of the kama sutra
I was dancing in an attempt to melt the belts off every man in the room

But I heard the truth that night!

A Turk, speaking Spanish, didn't know me from Adam said
"Tú creas en Dios pero tu haces malas cosas”
'You believe in God, but you do bad things'

Suddenly, I realized I was in a place where all they play is house music
But can’t say I really felt at home
In a barely audible, barely recognizable zone
Between having a good time and simply wasting it

I was a glutton with a grin, drinking warm gin, knowing no one’s name
but somehow I was everyone’s friend
I was standing in stilettos that made me six feet tall
but still felt small
I was messing up the shoes I paid too much for and still hurt to walk in

Talk about conviction!

Truth is, nobody believes me when I say I’m a virgin
Truth is, the bible didn't see the inside of my face for a week while i was on vacation
Truth is, I’m not innocent
I’m just an abstinent fireplace that doesn’t wanna feel the fire kindles between her legs anymore

So don’t mind the ashes, they’re just evidence of how brightly I can glow
And I wanna glow hard, like one dim star
On an otherwise starless night
That shines just to prove its fidelity

I know what you must think of me,
“What hypocrisy!”
But I don’t wanna enter prayer reeking of my addiction, stinking of cologne
I don’t want God to smell another man on me
Mistaking ménage à trois for the Trinity

So thank God the stars don’t judge us for what we do beneath them
Thank God the stars don't see the evil we commit under their names
Thank God for the silence, for the dimness, for nights spent alone,
Thank God for friends who know more than just your bra strap 
And thank God for cab rides home

'Cause tonight, I'm gonna strip the spotlight
Tonight, I'm gonna turn off Frank Ocean
Tonight, I'm gonna take off  the stilettos
I'm gonna take off the tourquoise rings
I'm gonna take off the lip gloss
And i'm gonna sleep naked
Not trying to be sexy just trying to be me, a girl
With a shaved head and with eyes deep enough to stand in
With convictions strong enough to stand on

I'm finding the mercy of God right where i'm standing and
It's binding, it's blinding, it's forgiveness
But most of all,
It's mine!

So tonight, I'm gonna sit out on the fire escape and
I'm gonna sit there eating an apple and
I'm gonna nickname the view "Eden" and
I'm gonna look up at those tragic stars
With their pagan hearts full of mourning and i'm gonna say
"What a fall? But what light, what impossible light?"

*Cab rides and the morning after by Alysa Harris.

Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity... Psalm 32 :1-2a

Here is a video of her performance and the link ( ) if you can't see it on your phone. Stay blessed!