Saturday, January 11, 2014

Public Enemies

Cigarette stained lies in cadillacs
Hunger induced hallucinations on bare floors
 We were never mediocre
Always either stinking rich or
Bread-slices-for-hot-dog-buns poor

We laid down on unmade plans
But always managed to get where we didn't know we wanted to go
We were nothing, but we were everything

Our love was the choking kind and we choked alright
Suffocating on presents, table service and hotel rooms
"Let's give them something to talk about" you always said
So we lived for the applause and revelries were our cause
All we lived for, all we fought for, all we died for
Revelries!

In the end
We were living on fourth quarter pipe dreams
Anything but a dose of reality
I loved you, I hated you
You hated me but loved me even more

We were driving 120 in a 60
We had two hands held together, two in the air
Our Johnnie Walker eyes on one another and your foot on gas

 We had to go out with a bang
Undramatic break ups were for sissies but we were rock stars
So we needed to give them a show, a concert in a sold out arena
Something to talk about

Then we crashed and burned 
And to my surprise they mourned
"My God" she said "you guys were my relationship role models"
-That love affair was stranger than her sympathy
And I pray I never get to hear more ignorant words till I die-

Ash to ash, dust to dust
We spread our wings and flew apart with relief
Hoping never to re-live
The present, the past
The love
The life, the death
Of us


*The song lines are deliberate

Monday, January 6, 2014

Cheating on the sixth

I believe Jehovah Jireh
I believe a woman's temple gives her the right to choose
But baby don't abort
I still believe in man because I just don't believe we're wicked
I know we sin but I do believe we try
We all try
Frank Ocean - We All Try
***

Considering how I lived last year, I know that I am the last person with the right to give notes on religion and morality. I hope however that even through my imperfection God blessed you with something, anything. If not spiritually then maybe about shamelessly stringing words together and working harder to get better at creative writing. I also pray that you have been blessed not only by strangers but through people who love you and prove in more ways than make sense that God loves you too.
***
I'll be 27 on the 27th , here's a link to my wishlist thank yoooooooouuuuu

***

I got invited by my dear friend Chioma Chuka, to participate in her "A Post a Day" project for the month of December last year. I appreciated (once again) the pressure of having to write because someone asked me to and having to work with a format. I've posted it below as my first (cheat) post of the year and I hope you guys enjoy it. Have a blessed year!


Silence

The biggest lesson I learnt (and I am still learning) this year is silence. My filters don’t work right but life has taught me to shut my big mouth and let some things be. Not every opinion needs to be heard, not every emotion needs to be expressed and not every err needs to be pointed out. I am gradually learning to love the silence and discover the secrets to it; how to smile with just my heart, hurt passively, go around like a ninja… unseen and unheard.
 
The thing I am most grateful for this year is that I got to go home, to Nigeria. My mother is so technologically handicapped that she refuses to get a smart smart-phone or learn how to turn on a computer so I only get to see her on the rare occasion that she dedicates 30 minutes to taking and texting me a picture. Concrete mumu that my genes are, they inherited some of this disorder. On a brighter note, going home meant I got to spend time with her, get breakfast in bed, eat pounded yam nine times in less than two weeks and have someone fuss over me round the clock. Priceless!
 
I read somewhere that “people take care of those they love and those who love in return are willing to accept that caretaking”. If I could do one thing differently this year, it would be to open my eyes to the depth of my relationships. I took some friends for granted and placed those who couldn’t care less about me on a pedestal. When people love you, they love all of you, tolerate your dark side and call you out on your foolishness. Unfortunately, it took a whole and three-quarters of foolishness to for me to realize this. Most of all, I hurt some of my favorite people in the world by not sharing my problems with them. I don’t think I understood how possible this was till they confronted me about it and counted instances in the past when I didn’t let them in. I grew up as an only child and learnt long ago to depend on just myself, my mother and my God so opening up and confiding in best friends/romantic partners is new territory.
 
In the end, I feel like a 5-year old who is learning the appropriate times to speak up and when to remain silent. In speaking up, I am learning that it is alright to seek comfort from the people who love me but not to yarn my church mind ever so often. In hushing up, I am rediscovering the secrets to silence, and the quiet is deafening.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Black Bird 2

Not dreaming is what happens when you have near death experiences
Your favorite aunt saved you from one and you both just stood there
Staring
Because you could have died and he wouldn't have stopped
You could have died but she saved you
So you love her even more
But then she dies (at another time)
And you don't cry even long after the funeral because you don't get it
When it finally registers you can't stop crying
And you remember to never forget that you shouldn't dream about the future

One day, you come back to America and it seems great
But then your uncle dies a week later
You see the text and the dm but you roll over and go back to sleep without replying
You call into TERC and act normal because you don't get it
Yours is the family where no one dies
But now they are dying and you don't get it
You cry a lot and know you will never forget not to dream

Then dad decides to kick you out a week after that
Because for the dumbest reason
He thinks you died ("or something") and that you are your sister
And that you and mom are playing a fast one on him
So he kicks you out till you agree to a DNA test
You tell him to go fuck himself and not bother looking for you when he comes to
You check into Motel 6 because you have nowhere to go and need to start living cheap
You move in with some roommates you find on craigslist
Because you don't have credit history to get an apartment
You get so sad it becomes all you have
You pray to God they don't kill you in your sleep
Sometimes, you wish they would

You work as a hostess at a restaurant for two months because no one will hire you
You work at a restaurant to get employment history so someone will hire you
You work at a restaurant and lie to your mother because she is already too sad
And you are sad too
And one of you needs to be a little less sad
So you lie to her
And that makes you even more sad
But she is a little less sad
So it is ok
At this point you know that dreaming is for fools and you are not one

One night, pain stabs you in the guts
You know this is it, you wish your mom had other kids
ER, kidney stones, ovarian cysts, cervical cancer
Biopsies, samples, drips, blood, so much blood
You never tell anyone all that really went down
Not even Chiki
Because you know what it is to be sad and don't want to be the reason they ever feel it
But you get so sad from carrying all that weight that you stop to write
Because everything on your inside is sad
And all that you want to write is about being sad
But that was never why you wanted to write
So you stop towriting
And so you don't write and you don't dream

But then Someone smiles at you
You know He has always loved you and you live for Him
But you shut Him out of this part of your life
The sadness
He keeps smiling and you eventually smile back
You know He knows
And you know it's going to be okay
You've come so far that even you can't believe it
You know He has a hand in it
Because you were too busy being sad and not dreaming to have the life you have now
Eventually, you get two clean test results
And then you get a bigger raise than you asked for and benefits at work
You and dad talk some but it needs time and work
You still get sad but not so much
God loves you and your family loves you and your friends love you
So you start to enjoy forgetting the pain
And you dare to dream about the future

*
I want to work for UNICEF
Or at least work with children in whatever capacity
I want to build a house for my mother and give her whatever she wants
I want to own an early education center
I want to adopt at least one child
I want to work for UNICEF
So help me God


Saturday, September 28, 2013

Propaganda

I was recently told I was too creative, that I wasn’t Christ centered enough
"The peeps we're trying to reach wouldn’t understand your speech"
I told them it was cool...  thanks for your advice
I’m just not afraid of heights
Like Christ wasn’t afraid to mix spit with mud as if he couldn’t fix vision with one word
I’m sorry, I get my creativity from my Father
 
Have you ever been to the aquarium?
Google the coral reef...
Thanks for your advice, I just lost my fear

I'm not afraid of a blank canvas, I'm not afraid to be the canvas
I've been marred in the Potter's hands and God doesn't use erasers
Off on purpose


But what keeps you up at night?
Are you afraid of mid-terms, curfews, budget meetings or board of directors?
I just lost my fear of gravity
Since His majesty came and grabbed me, I've often wondered
How loud does an alarm clock need to be to wake a dead man?

Humbly embrace lessons
Just like you shouldn’t be afraid of city permits and submit to the process
'Cause there is not one city permit that can stop what Elohim permits

I’m so comfortable with sovereignty
So done wasting words, so tired of lying to my Father in the mirror
See, that's where I get my courage from
My spine isn't naturally stainless steel
I guess this statement shook me because honestly, I’m terrified
Terrified of wasting time

But I'm not afraid of their faces
Hearts of men waxed cold, out-your-mind sold
It's the guts to say no then nosedive
Follow commandments that don't make sense
God says learn to walk worthy
And if you really understood the cross you would see that command was such a paradox

I think I understand now
Between heresies and pharisees
Between schemes to get rich and work to attain wealth
This is why I graciously smile
Because truthfully, they are scared

Scared like most of us are
That we're about to waste another weekend
Spend a couple hundred bucks to do the same thing we've been doing
You're scared like I am
 That the best you've ever been and ever will be is so so

You're scared
That you're born eagles walking among chickens
As if these agitated shoulder blades never sprouted wings

I was recently told I was too creative and that shook me to the core
'Cause I have no excuse for fear
I should be roller skating around Saturn, looking down at satellites
Flying
And f you mustered up the bravery you would get this one day

See, I fooled you
This isn't a poem
This right here is a runway
Why aren't you flying?

Why aren't you flying?
Too Creative - Propaganda


This is one of my favorite spoken word poems, it took me forever to type it and then decide on how to edit it so I really hope you guys liked it. I love spoken word poets and how they play with words to make even the most mundane things seem magical. I love it even more when they wax lyrical for Jesus. I've uploaded the video below, be inspired and stay blessed.

Too Creative - Propaganda (Link for mobile readers)
Also check out Counterfeit Gods by Jefferson Bethke

Thursday, July 11, 2013

The3six5NG... again

Remember this post I wrote for the 3six5ng in May? Well, I got invited to share my day again and I did. I hope you guys like it. Oh and if you still haven't written for them I really think you should, it's a great idea and it's enlightening to see how differently everyone puts fingers to keyboards in telling how their days went with a max of 365 words.

  July 11, 2013



My roommate comes in and drops his stuff on the floor but I pretend to still be asleep on the couch because I’m not in the mood to talk. He is a talker this one. When he goes into the kitchen, I quickly check and see that it’s a little past midnight so I know it’s time to get up and study.  After some exaggerated stretches and yawns, I head to my books while he tells me some weird story. I check the time after what seems like a little while and realize that we’ve been talking for over 2 hours, I still haven’t touched my books and I am sleepy again.

At 4:20am, my alarm goes off, so I get out of bed and go to his room to wake him up for suhoor. This takes an unbelievable 10minutes, till I get into his bed and literally kick him down with both feet. He sleeps like a... click me to read the rest of the story



Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Speechless

Will Your grace run out if I let You down?
All I know is how to run

Will You call me child when I tell You lies?
All I know is how to cry

'Cause I am a sinner if it's not one thing it's another
Caught up in words, tangled in lies
You are a Savior and You take brokenness aside 
And make it beautiful
Beautiful!
Brokenness Aside-All Sons & Daughters
.

I am finding the mercy of God right where I am standing
It's binding
It's blinding
It's forgiveness
But most of all
It's mine.
Cab Rides & The Morning After-Alysia Harris

God's grace is charmingly overwhelming. I don't know if that's a thing but words have failed me and "charmingly overwhelming" are the two words that express what I feel right now. No matter what you're going through, how deep in the earth's crust you have fallen or how long you have stagnated, God is only a prayer away. And sometimes, He just shows up because He is God and He loves you.

He will never leave you nor forsake you...

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Black bird

When 2 become more lonely than 1
When cowards with plans collide, lips first
Whipping and slashing one another down
With tongues that have forgotten how to love

You! Sly like a slithering snake
Smooth, pulling on my heart strings
Smiling like death
Ready to kiss it's victim
Armed with words, beauty and charm

But I see you!
You are so low on the ground that
You have never understood what it means to soar

I see you!
This heart, it is mine
These papers, they are mine
These sheets, they belong to me
And you? I don't want you

I see beneath your schemes
You may have had me for a minute
But these wings were made for flying

And so I rise
Strong like an eagle
Soaring, reaching for dreams that will come true
Praying for the grace to forgive
And praying, that God lifts your eyes to His skies
Where help truly comes from.