Idiosyncrasy

• At various stages of my life

Me: I’m not dating right now

• Responses from men tend to fall into a variation of the following 4 exaggerated categories, some mix and match but most stick to one

Man 1: Fuck you! 

Man 2: That’s ‘cause you haven’t had this dick, I can change your life! 

Man 3: But I love you.

Man 4: Okay, so, I got us a table for 2 at this exclusive restaurant. I bought you a car, a house, and an island… I can get you into heaven if you want.

** 3 and 4 tend to go together. 2, 3 and 4 sometimes end up as 1 but occasionally, they slide into 5 

• Only one man has given a mostly okay response from the get go. This response is not perfect because when I start dating, I feel guilty for not letting them know… especially if they are on my social media and can tell that I’m seeing someone

Man 5: Okay but please let me know when you start dating. You’re really cool and I would love to be with you.

• In my 34 years, 11 months and 15 days on earth, only one man has respected my autonomy and given the only appropriate response to that statement

Man 6: Thanks for letting me know. It’s great that you know what you want and I wish you the best.

35

My birthday is on the 27th and I’m not sure why we are already thinking about it but The Nap Ministry told me to stop giving away my deepest thoughts on an app designed to make a rich, White man richer so… here we are. 

Turning 35 halfway through a solitude quest  is definitely one of the most laughable ordeals of my midlife eccentricities.  This is the first time in about 10 years where I haven’t traveled abroad for my birthday. It’s the first time in my life I’m not having a party of sorts. It’s also the first time in my life I’m planting roots. This Lost Boy is working on making Austin her headquarters and it’s as calming as it’s destabilizing. My life is smaller than it’s ever been, bigger than it’s ever been, I’m happy, at peace and couldn’t ask for more.

I know this is the part where I’m supposed to blab about the next year but the wheels are in motion for my near future so instead, here’s what I want to do when I  retire - and can go to jail without worrying about how it will affect my life. 

- Volunteer several days a week at a local library/bookstore/garden/farm… Preferably if I own it and if I’m doing something with kids, teaching them things they won’t learn in a class room (think banned books on history, culture and inclusivity).

- Terrorize my government officials with a little more umph about civil rights and never miss a protest for said civil rights.

- Go on at least one international cruise each year once it becomes medically inconvenient to travel the regular way.

- Become a pot-head.

If you want to send me a gift, I’ll take hand-written snail mail, a sewing machine, a delivery from Naija Snack Box and Cold, Hard Cash. Tnx! PO Box 1051. Austin, Texas. 78767