Monday, January 6, 2014

Cheating on the sixth

I believe Jehovah Jireh
I believe a woman's temple gives her the right to choose
But baby don't abort
I still believe in man because I just don't believe we're wicked
I know we sin but I do believe we try
We all try
Frank Ocean - We All Try
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Considering how I lived last year, I know that I am the last person with the right to give notes on religion and morality. I hope however that even through my imperfection God blessed you with something, anything. If not spiritually then maybe about shamelessly stringing words together and working harder to get better at creative writing. I also pray that you have been blessed not only by strangers but through people who love you and prove in more ways than make sense that God loves you too.
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I'll be 27 on the 27th , here's a link to my wishlist thank yoooooooouuuuu

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I got invited by my dear friend Chioma Chuka, to participate in her "A Post a Day" project for the month of December last year. I appreciated (once again) the pressure of having to write because someone asked me to and having to work with a format. I've posted it below as my first (cheat) post of the year and I hope you guys enjoy it. Have a blessed year!


Silence

The biggest lesson I learnt (and I am still learning) this year is silence. My filters don’t work right but life has taught me to shut my big mouth and let some things be. Not every opinion needs to be heard, not every emotion needs to be expressed and not every err needs to be pointed out. I am gradually learning to love the silence and discover the secrets to it; how to smile with just my heart, hurt passively, go around like a ninja… unseen and unheard.
 
The thing I am most grateful for this year is that I got to go home, to Nigeria. My mother is so technologically handicapped that she refuses to get a smart smart-phone or learn how to turn on a computer so I only get to see her on the rare occasion that she dedicates 30 minutes to taking and texting me a picture. Concrete mumu that my genes are, they inherited some of this disorder. On a brighter note, going home meant I got to spend time with her, get breakfast in bed, eat pounded yam nine times in less than two weeks and have someone fuss over me round the clock. Priceless!
 
I read somewhere that “people take care of those they love and those who love in return are willing to accept that caretaking”. If I could do one thing differently this year, it would be to open my eyes to the depth of my relationships. I took some friends for granted and placed those who couldn’t care less about me on a pedestal. When people love you, they love all of you, tolerate your dark side and call you out on your foolishness. Unfortunately, it took a whole and three-quarters of foolishness to for me to realize this. Most of all, I hurt some of my favorite people in the world by not sharing my problems with them. I don’t think I understood how possible this was till they confronted me about it and counted instances in the past when I didn’t let them in. I grew up as an only child and learnt long ago to depend on just myself, my mother and my God so opening up and confiding in best friends/romantic partners is new territory.
 
In the end, I feel like a 5-year old who is learning the appropriate times to speak up and when to remain silent. In speaking up, I am learning that it is alright to seek comfort from the people who love me but not to yarn my church mind ever so often. In hushing up, I am rediscovering the secrets to silence, and the quiet is deafening.