Mouth Breather

I have never been afraid of endings

I have witnessed enough sunrises to see only the beauty in sunsets

To feel the sudden drop in temperature

To watch light gradually turn to darkness

And find comfort in knowing that tomorrow

I’ll get the chance to try again

Endings are only truly endings when we run out of tomorrows

And I still have a handful of tomorrows 

So as surely as the sun rises after it sets

I know that this will be a distant memory tomorrow

TLDR: Not me setting myself on fire and telling my friends I want to watch myself burn then being shocked at the effrontery of my body to actually burn

Alternatively alternate summary: The audacity of my heart to afford heartache on an emotionally unavailable salary will never not be funny

Grounding

I am the daughter of the mother 

Who never really got to be a daughter

And the god-forsaken child of the father

Who went insane with 4th quarter pipe dreams

I am the daughter of well-intentioned people

Who performed the rituals of good children 

And struggled with the notion of parenthood

I am the daughter of a family gone mad

With the lunacy of reproduction and magic

Born from star seed and grown with mead

I am the daughter of a millennia of trauma and evolution

Rebellion and righteousness

The daughter perpetually between three worlds

Wondering how to straddle them all 

Faking grace and resilience 

Humor and passion

I am the rug-rat that fits in with the vines

Those that sprout from the side of brick buildings

And in the negative space of chain link fences

The heart that beats along to songs that don’t exist

But won’t quit until they do

I am the daughter of art & chaos

The child of irrationality & determination

The black sheep of me… A Lost Boy

I am the daughter of a story so wild it’s never been told comprehensibly

I am the woman

Who eternally feels like girl

Like wind, fire, water… but never earth

Never grounded

The woman who feels too old to feel so freshly foolish

Unable to exist in ease

Yet managing to find just one more reason to stay alive

Every time I run out of reasons 

I am my daily reminder that the world sings as beautifully as I imagine it does

That problems are so much lighter in the reflection of a lake

In the chaos of a kitchen

(With people cooking without recipes)

In the warmth of an embrace 

In the sound of belly laughs

In the sound of a caring voice on the phone

(Asking why I haven’t been online lately) 

In the sight of a friend 

In the sight of “I miss you… I love you.”

I am the daughter 

Who dares to be the rich aunt

And doesn’t care to birth children 

I am the daughter, girl, woman

Doing my best

Giving myself permission to rest

Resisting grind culture

Taking pride in tapping out

I am a divine being… and it’s okay that I don’t know how to end this. I have given up on perfection, chaos is abstract art.