4 months of me

This is an accountability post and a running list of my attempt at spending more time with myself, self-discipline, frequent reading, writing, physical activity, less Instagram and more *Arabic… Starting December 1, ending March 31. It’s not intended to be impressive. 

*Arabic is the only thing I currently practice daily (704 consecutive days as of 03/02/22) however, that’s on Duo Lingo, for script/Modern Standard Arabic. I need to practice Darija (Moroccan Arabic).

** I DID IT! 4 months of reading, practicing American Sign Language, frequent physical activity, daily practicing of Arabic and by the end, no Instagram use for several weeks. I’m so proud of myself. I should take this down but I’ll keep it here as my reminder that I can do anything I sent my mind to. 

MARCH 2022

The plan is to bug the ASL department until someone lets me take one of next semester's classes this semester. Otherwise, practice ASL and Arabic at least once for each, each week. I'll stay off Instagram for another month, read one book and read as much of New Daughters of Africa as I can on a 3 week loan from the Library. Keep up weekly swimming and engage in physical activity at least 2 other days each week. 

Summary
Well, I didn’t get to read New Daughters of Africa at all and I swam only once but I stayed off Instagram, read 2 books (Bitter and Deaf Again and practiced Arabic daily on Duo Lingo (over 730 day streak). I also practiced ASL over 20 days and engaged in physical activity for a total of 11 days.

Day 1: Started reading Bitter by Akwaeke Emezi

Day 2: Read Bitter. Emailed another professor to let me into ASL II.

Day 3: Got a seat for ASL II. Swam for 45 mins. Read bitter.

Day 4: Finished reading Bitter. Walked for 20 mins.

Day 5: Started reading Deaf Again for ASL II.

Day 6: Read Deaf Again. Walked 40 mins.

Day 7: Finished Deaf Again.

Day 8: 20 mins work out.

Day 9: REST

Day 10: Completed 14 ASL quizzes for Deaf Again. The semester starts in 2 weeks but I’ll be going on vacation 2 weeks before the end of the semester so I need to keep this pace or finish earlier so I don’t have any school work due while I’m in vacation. 

Day 11: ASL, all of 6.1

Day 12: ASL 6.2

Day 13: ASL 6.3 and 6.4. Walked 20 mins

Day 14: ASL 6.5. 30 mins yoga

Day 15: Finished ASL Unit 6 (2 weeks down, 6 to go). 20 mins yoga, 20 mins walk

Day 16: 25 mins walk

Day 17: REST

Day 18: ASL 7.1 and 7.2. 30 mins workout 

Day 19: REST

Day 20: ASL 7.3 (3 weeks down, 5 to go - I’m officially 3 weeks ahead of schedule because classes actually start tomorrow) 

Day 21:  ASL 7.4 and 7.5 

Day 22:  ASL 1 hr

Day 23: REST

Day 24: ASL 1hr

Day 25: ASL 1 hr. Walked 25 mins

Day 26: Finished ASL Unit 7 videos, did 8.1 (4 weeks down, 4 to go). 20 mins workout.

Day 27: ASL 8.2. 30 mins workout 

Day 28: ASL 8.3

Day 29: REST

Day 30: REST * FYI that when I “rest on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, it means I worked at my Private Practice.

Day 31: ASL Tutoring and Unit 8 videos. 5 weeks down, 3 to go.

FEBRUARY 2022

Wrote this on Feb 01: The plan is to stay ahead of my American Sign Language (ASL) class and be done with the semester this month, no Instagram AT ALL and remain consistent with yoga or general physical activity. ASL is very demanding so I’m not committing to any reading this month. 

Summary

I did it! Completed my fast-track ASL semester and completed over 700 days of consistently practicing Arabic on Duo Lingo. I did not have Instagram on my phone all month. I did take a peek once or twice, because I'm signed in on my work desktop, but cumulatively "looked" at Instagram for definitely less than an hour the entire month... I'm very proud. I wasn't as physically active as I would have liked but I picked up weekly swimming and I'm okay with it. I also wasn't planning on doing any reading this month but ended up reading Where The Crawdads Sing the last 2 days of the month... so overall, I'm just really fucking proud of myself.

Day 1: ASL

Day 2: Rest

Day 3: ASL for less than an hour

Day 4: Finished Feb 13 ASL responsibilities (4 weeks down, 4 to go)

Day 5: Less than an hour of ASL 😂. It’s 5 days in and I’ve collectively spent less time on ASL than any day in January and I haven’t engaged in any form of physical activity. This is not a great start. Still, we meouve!

Day 6: ASL all day, 15 mins yoga

Day 7: Started Feb 27 ASL classwork

Day 8: 20 mins yoga. Finished Feb 20 ASL... 5 weeks down, 3 to go

Day 9: 

Day 10: Swam for 45 mins

Day 11: ASL

Day 12: ASL, yoga

Day 13: ASL aaalll day (this is my life now)

Day 14: 20min walk. Started March 6 ASL

Day 15: Finished Feb 27 ASL classwork... 6 weeks down, 2 to go

Day 16: REST

Day 17: 45 mins swim

Day 18: Laser hair treatment, can't sweat for 24-48hrs

Day 19: Had 24hrs of an emotional whirlwind, saw a townhouse I liked online, got my realtor to get us a reservation, saw it and fell in love, indicated interest and got all paperwork... unfortunately, all of Austin fell in love with it too and my money was too short for the bidding war. I'm still incredibly sad by this and have decided to give up on buying for now.

Day 20: Yoga 30mins. ASL all day

Day 21:  Finished March 6 ASL (7 weeks down, 1 to go). Started March 13 ASL classwork

Day 22:  

Day 23: 

Day 24: 45 mins swimming

Day 25: Finished my first semester of ASL 2 weeks early - while taking a compacted 8 week semester, instead of 16 weeks. There's no reason I didn't finish on the 22nd or yesterday but I deserve the rest I got and I'm VERY proud of myself!

Day 26: 45 mins Full Body Conditioning *Reached out to my advisor to see if the school will let me take one of next semester's classes this semester, for another expedited 8 week semester... I'm an overachieving hazard to myself!

Day 27: 45mins Intro to Ballet. 45 mins Intro to Pilates Reformer. Started reading Where The Crawdads Sing

Day 28: Finished reading Where The Crawdads sing. 30mins walk

JANUARY 2022

*Wrote this on Jan 1: The plan is to finish reading New Daughters of Africa (failed!), practice Darija for at least 20 days (picked up ASL instead and was consistent so, win?), spend less than 24hrs of screen time on social media (win) and engage in more strenuous physical activity (idk who I thought I was).

Summary

I practiced yoga for 23 days, practiced Darija only 6 days because I signed up for American Sign Language certification and practiced it almost everyday once I started classes, read up to 40% of New Daughters of Africa (got up to only 17% last month lol), clocked 674 consecutive days of practicing Modern Standard Arabic on Duo Lingo and spent less time on ig at 19hrs and 30 - better than last month but way more than I would prefer. Overall, I’m kinda proud!

Day 1: Invited 21 friends to join me for 30 days of Yoga With Adrienne. Borrowed New Daughters of Africa again and started reading from my 19% completion. Practiced Darija. Did an entire, fucking hour of yoga!
Day 2: 30mins of yoga. Practiced Darija

Day 3: Read NDoA. Practiced Darija

Day 4: Read NDoA. 45mins of yoga. Darija

Day 5: 30 mins of yoga. Signed up for a semester of American Sign Language! Why? Not too sure. I also signed up for an 8 week semester, instead of 16 weeks. Why? Not sure, but I'm convinced it will end in tears, my dears.

Day 6: 30 mins of yoga. NDoA. Got laser hair treatment today so I can’t do anything strenuous for at least 24hrs :(

Day 7: REST! Downloaded ig (screen time 2hrs 35)

Day 8: 45 mins yoga, Arabic, NDoA. Deleted IG (4hrs 8)

Day 9: 30mins of yoga, NDoA

Day 10: 20 mins of yoga, NDoA

Day 11:30 mins of yoga, NDoA... a consistent queen!

Day 12: 25 mins of yoga. Started ASL classes today and completed Jan 23 responsibilities. Arabic might suffer yet again because I don't have the bandwidth to learn and complete my Sign Language weekly tests while learning Arabic. At least, I'm still practicing daily on Duo Lingo, sometimes only for 2 minutes but listen... I'm trying.

Day 13: 24mins of yoga. Practiced Darija. Started Jan 30 ASL work.

Day 14: NDoA, 20mins of yoga, ASL

Day 15: REST

Day 16: 45mins yoga, Darija, ASL, read January edition of Aramco World

Day 17: NDoA, ASL aaaaalllll freaking day! IG 56mins, don't look at me 😂

Day 18: Finished Jan 30 ASL class work (2 weeks down, 6 to go), 20 mins yoga, NDoA, IG 2hrs 32

Day 19:  50 mins of yoga, Started Feb 6 ASL

Day 20: 45mins swimming, NDoA - it will be “collected” tomorrow… I’m at 40%. Not great but definitely better than last month.

Day 21: 45mins yoga, ASL

Day 22:  ASL

Day 23: ASL aaaaallllll day, 13 mins yoga

Day 24: ASL for 6hrs after an 8hr work training. I actually went to sleep at 2am on the 25th and only got 4hrs and 30mins of sleep. This is not sustainable... I regret it!

Day 25: Yoga for 25mins. Finished Feb 6 ASL. Started Feb 13.  Slept for 6 hours. I'm trying to stay 2 weeks ahead so that when I eventually slack, I'll have time to catch up. Anyhoo, 3 weeks down, 5 to go. Pray for me.

Day 26: 25mins yoga. I'll be sleeping loooong tonight!

Day 27: Happy 35 me! 20 mins yoga

Day 28: 40 mins yoga. ASL

Day 29: ASL

Day 30: 20 mins yoga. ASL

Day 31: 55mins yoga. ASL aaallll day, started Feb 20 responsibilities with just a few videos left to turn on for Feb 13 responsibilities. Deleted IG. Ended strong!

DECEMBER 2021

Summary

I read 4.2 books, read 3 professional publications, sent handwritten snail mail to friends, did some form of physical activity for 23 days, was on IG for 21 days (made posts/stories for __ days) and my approximate, cumulative use of “social” screen time for the month was about 33 hours and 53 minutes. I’ll do better for screening out just IG use next time but I basically lost an entire fucking day to my phone in a month where I used my phone less than normal 😲. Overall, I think this is a great start but the plan is to do better.

Deets

Day 1: Epic FAIL! Did my last Instagram giveaway, tested positive for Strep Throat. No work out, no reading, no Arabic, too much social media (6hrs 31mins)… mostly due to said giveaway and being home sick but still a massive fail.

Day 2: Didn’t work again, sick! Read all of The Days of Silence, 30 mins of restorative yoga (Down Dog app… the one with the puppy logo), way too much social media (6hrs 52mins) rounding up giveaway.

Day 3: Started reading Nearly All The Men In Lagos are Mad. 30 mins restorative yoga. A little less social media but still too much at 5hrs 52mins.

Day 4: Finished reading Nearly All Men In Lagos Are Mad. Way less social media because (1hr 10mins), deleted Instagram. 30 mins restorative yoga.

Day 5: Finished reading Attached. Redownloaded Ig (37mins) to ask if anyone wants snail mail. Physical activity - cleaning… this counts, don’t @ me lol

Day 6: Deleted Instagram 1hr on socials. Read Counseling Today Oct, AramcoWorld Nov and started Started The House of Spirits. 15mins yin yoga.

Day 7: 30 mins Chair yoga. Read House of Spirits(HoS)

Day 8: 30mins Hatha yoga. Read HoS 

Day 9: 15mins Yin yoga. Read HoS

Day 10: 1hr trail walk. Downloaded ig (to create a reel lol)

Day 11: 10mins Hatha yoga. Posted reel. Borrowed a digital copy of New Daughters of Africa (NDoA) from my Library and started reading it even though I’m barely a quarter through the dense HoS, NDoA requires slow reading and needs to be returned soon. Self-imposed tragedy is my native tongue.

Day 12: Deleted ig. Continued reading HoS. 15 mins upper body workout. Welp! It’s day 12 and I’m yet to practice Darija… not even shwiya 😭

Day 13: 15mins High Intensity Interval Training (HIIT). Read HoS

Day 14: 30mins Full Yoga practice. Read HoS and NDoA

Day 15: Read HoS

Day 16: Read HoS. 20 mins chair yoga, 1 hr walk

Day 17: Finished reading HoS

Day 18: 20 mins Yin yoga, Read New Daughters of Africa (NDoA)

Day 19: Read NDoA I’ve decided December is for reading and January will be for Arabic. Once I get into a rhythm with Arabic, I can merge it with reading in February. Downloaded ig, 5hrs 48mins 😭

Day 20: 15mins restorative yoga. IG 2hrs11

Day 21: 10mins walk, 20mins yoga. Read NDoA. IG 3hrs 6

Day 22: IG 32mins. 15mins full practice yoga

Day 23: IG 13mins

Day 24: IG 24mins. Read NDoA. 1hr walk

Day 25: IG 12 mins. Read NDoA

Day 26: Started reading The Namesake. Read NDoA. IG 21mins. 50mins walk

Day 27: Read The Namesake. IG 25mins… deleted IG. Loan for New Daughters of Africa expired… I was only 19%in 😅. I’ll rent it again once I’m done with Namesake and have it be the only book I read in January while I focus on Arabic

Day 28: 30 mins Gentle Yoga. Read Counseling Today Nov.

Day 29: 30 mins Gentle Yoga. Read Namesake

Day 30: finished reading The Namesake 

Day 31: 30 mins of yoga

5 truths and a lie

 

1. I was kidnapped by my aunt and treated like a maid while I raised her children who have turned out to be the siblings I didn’t have growing up. I still take care of them. She is currently my favorite aunt.
2. I was raped by the first boy I thought I was having sex with. I thought so because he was my boyfriend at the time. My cousin would later go on to date his sister. Our families are still close.
3. I watched my mother beat a child and threaten to prick her with a needle if she tried to block the beating. I yelled at her to stop and told her to be ashamed of herself. She stopped, and proceeded not to talk to me for 2 months. My favorite (at the time) aunt’s arguing point for reconciliation was that my mother loves me and she never forgave my other aunt for kidnapping me and the only reason she didn’t come to get me or stop me from returning when I would come on holidays was because my grandmother told her that addressing the issue would break the family.
4. On her deathbed, my favorite aunt confessed that she tried to use voodoo to trade my life for her’s.
5. When I told my best friend our aunt had kidnapped me when I was younger and that I didn’t live with her by choice she said “are you sure?” and we never talked about it again.
6. The first reason I didn’t kill myself when my father asked for a dna test, kicked me out and rendered me homeless in a city where I knew no one is because I wasn’t sure what would happen to my corpse. The second is because I posted a “slightly” suicidal song lyric and a follower dmed me “Hey, are you okay?” I lied to her... but she saved my life. 

2020

 This year has given me as much as it has taken from me and it’s hard to balance the scales sometimes.

Due to safety/security/COVID-19 reasons, we got evacuated from Morocco on March 19. We were supposed to be on Admin Leave for 30-60 days but we got an email on March 20 saying Peace Corps was officially evacuating all volunteers worldwide and shutting down the program indefinitely. I was supposed to be in Morocco till late November, 2021. Yet here I was, in an America I did not recognize, I couldn’t enjoy being home because I had to quarantine for 2 weeks, my favorite restaurants and stores were closed and I was officially unemployed, homeless and car-less in Austin, TX.

Immediately after I saw the email, I called my old boss and asked for my job back. I emailed insurance companies to late them know I was no longer on Sabbatical and was available to start seeing clients. I applied to 3 jobs. Then I broke down in tears. I missed Morocco, my new family and friends, the life I was building,  the life I had just lost and wondered how I could manage to rebuild my life on with no notice in an unfamiliar world.

The County was on a hiring freeze but my boss moved mountains to get me back in - and I got a significant raise from what I had just 8 months prior. My insurance reimbursement rates as well as private-practice fees (honest mistake by the front desk that ended up working out) were higher than before and somehow my super part time private practice started thriving more than it had in the last 5 years. I ended up paying off my student loans and becoming debt-free in less than 6 months.

I lost bigoted people I had thought were my friends, gained allies, learned a lot about intersectionality and supporting as many oppressed groups as my emotional bandwidth could handle. My inner circle was even smaller but my relationships had more value than I could have hoped for - people came through for me in ways I never could have imagined and I was blessed with the opportunity to be there for them and others too. An old flame got rekindled and we moved in together but it ended in tears so... yeah, that happened too. I cut my hair and went natural.

This year was a microwaved dumpster fire! However, because of the extremities of COVID-19 and social justice awareness, the quality of my life has improved significantly and I would only trade it if it brought back the lives we’ve lost. I still wish I was in Morocco and cry about that occasionally. I still hurt when I think of the racist, sexist, bigoted things people I thought I knew have said/done to me and other oppressed groups. I’m still not free from the shackles of capitalism. I am however trying, learning, teaching and hoping that this momentum will be maintained in the years to come.

I hope you are well, I love you and wish you the absolute best, write to me if you’re lonely.

Happy Holidays.

P.S: my travel blog has shamefully been “in the works” for almost 2 years so I’m officially sharing it. Excuse the mess Drifting Dosh

Black Bird 5

I wanted freedom and for my sins, Peace Corps gave it to me. 

I have so much time on my hands that I’ve started tearing metaphors out of mint teas that aren’t quite deep enough to dive into, yet I do. 
With every stroke, I get a sugar high that convinces me I am right and everyone else is wrong.
How dare they not know better?! 
I hold my breath even when I come up for air because I know that if I breathe in, I’ll remember I’m just like them - trying to do the best I can with the tools I’ve been given. 
But when you are on a self-righteous springboard, empathy is the crippling angst you don’t need. 
There is a difference between humanizing your foe and justifying their actions therefore, it is entirely possible to have empathy for people you wholeheartedly disagree with. 
On my better days, I can see why an African, who doesn’t believe he is an African, would be so offended by my existence that he would call me a Nigger and try to assault me. 
I can see why someone can be an LGBTQ+ or POC ally but not an ally for Black People. 
On those days, my tea is hot enough to warm me without burning my tongue, minty enough to refresh me without leaving a bitter after taste and sweet enough to comfort me without the threat of diabetes. 
On those days, I’m swimming freestyle, breathing, sharing, caring, taking care of myself and those around me. 
Remembering that hatred needs no branding, it is cheap and gets in the way more often than it makes a path. 
Anger is necessary to do the work but so is the patience to educate, the empathy to realize that some people just don’t know and if I want change I will occasionally have to painstakingly give to the very people taking from me. 
It is unfair but if we don’t tell our stories, share our pain and tell others how to treat us, how are they supposed to know if they’ve never been taught better? 
If they don’t know to seek information from the same resources that we do? 
I know what I know because I experienced it, was taught, was told I don’t know everything and encouraged to seek information from all sources, especially those not in my purview. 
How then can I be mad at someone for not knowing this, without trying to share my experience coupled with what little I’ve learnt? 
Sometimes, we need to be the fire that burns down evil but most times, we need to be the flame that lights the way and warms hearts. 
These are painful lessons I’m continuing to learn and I still don’t get it right all the time, but I’m making peace with that too. 

So maybe, the freedom to ponder isn’t such a bad thing because as much as I love being in water, I don’t even know how to swim!

Tick Tock

You’ll be fine
I’ll be fine
What is it they say about time?

It always runs out.

Black Bird 4

I am legally American

Biologically Ugandan

And Culturally Nigerian

I fit no where and everywhere

Everywhere is diaspora

Yet everywhere is home

I miss home every second of everyday

Because home is multiple smiles

And hearts

And arms

And houses

And cities

And countries away

Separated by the ocean

So I’m never quite home

It’s incredibly sad

Yet titillating

Because I am constantly surrounded by my people

And home is now wherever I make of it

So

Here I am

An American Peace Corps Volunteer

In Morocco

I am home away from home

In every sense of the phrase

and it’s oddly comforting 

My life in the uncultured lane

I'm not one for small talk
And I'm usually well behaved
But I tend to prattle when I'm nervous

I talk about puppies and poetry...
People I know, and people I don't know
And how I wish I had longer hair
And how the color you get when you mix pink with purple should be called punk
And how pumpkin pie is better than pineapple upside down cake, but not by much
And how I generally love people, but I like some people the way I like my coffee... in small doses and far apart
And how I once grabbed a handful of what I thought was my ex's butt, but it was the butt of a priest
And how I was once chased out of church by a man with a stick
Because I wore shorts and he swore I was a sinner
And I am, but redeemed by grace
And while I'm not proud of most of my behavior
I promise I'm working on my poise