Gridlocked Scars

While no one is interested in people who haven't lived and died a couple of times, what has savage solitude done for anyone besides creating broke poets?

Dear heart, who told you you could feel so much?
Catch feelings when you haven't caught the drift?
I can't think over the sound of you breaking
It's the crackling of broken promises, buttered truths, and misappropriated trust
It's the mosaic of open wounds and broken mirrors
That look how you feel
And you feel too much
Give too much
Go on whirlwinds of emotions through every end of the spectrum

Calm the hell down!
Take a break
Catch a breath
Smile
Be still
Your wounds will soon turn to scars
And scars exist because healing occurred
So look forward to the scars
Love them
Let them be the the road map to self-love and contentment
Let them teach you that you don't need to scratch every itch
Some feelings need to be left unattended
So you don't bleed into things mistaken for love
Let the people who already love you take care of you

New friends are good
But you need to flat iron your hair to hang out with them
Old friends are better
They love that your skin is a riot and laugh at your stupid jokes
Your best friend is the best
You don't need to be special for her
She just loves you
Let the people who already love you care for you
There are too many sad and lonely people in the world
And what has savage solitude done for anyone,
Besides creating a gridlock of scars?

Who's laughing now?

The hardest thing about breaking up is not the break up itself, but everything that happens after a break up. It is seeing something incredibly funny, that's part of a running inside joke, that you immediately want to share with that person, but can't. You can share it with other people, but it takes too much explaining and takes away from the fun. So in a split second, you go from being teary-eyed because you're laughing hard, to being teary-eyed because you're stuck with a screenshot and a stupid joke you can't share.

Pride and... never mind

Y'all.
People!
Please, before you go out of your way to be offended by things that have nothing to do with you, check yourself and ask yourself "Self? Why you mad, hun?"

If I say "I'm proud to be skinny" with or without explaining that I'm proud to be skinny because people think I need to eat a burger or that a dress would fit me better if I gained a few extra pounds or that I look like a chicken (all of these things have been said to me)... If I say I'm proud to be skinny because people go out of their way to make me feel ashamed for something I have no control over (I eat like a pig and manage to still look like a chicken), does this mean that I think people who are overweight are ugly? No. My statement has nothing to do with those people, my statement has more to do with me reassuring myself that I am okay, I am enough, I am beautiful despite what other people may think of me and other skinny people. In the same vein, except if expressly stated, just because something is pro-black does not mean it is anti-white. Peace and love.

Vindictive

I feel
And I feel
And I feel

Dear heart
What did I ever do to you?

Enough

There is poetry in the way some people look at you

...like you are the only star in the sky

And you don't need to shine any brighter to be enough

Because you are enough

Strange as you are

Exactly as you are

It's the nerve to dive into feelings that don't make sense

Make room for reservations that fill you with faith

Become a living paradox but balance the equation

Laughter, tears

Simplicity, complexity

Beat poetry, slam poetry

Not-so-good poetry

Music

Art

Love

Love for the things that make your ears flutter

And your eyes water

Love for the things that make your heart want to give till it hurts

And then give some more

Love for the things that make you smile

With tea-stained teeth and olive-filled cheeks

Love for the things that are only perfect in their imperfections

Beautiful in their ugliness

Long reaching in their short comings 

Some people smell like love

Without even trying

These people

Treasure them

These people

They are enough

Strange as they are

Exactly as they are

Nothing's got to give

Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Raji'un - To God we belong and surely, to Him we shall return.
This is my favorite Arabic phrase. It is typically said when speaking about someone who is deceased however, I love it most when it is said in respect to living a (spiritually) fulfilled life because... well... YOLO!
My point, in the rephrased words of Anais Nin, is that 'I want to be a mermaid, with no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living'.

*Middle-Eastern Mermaid by Sully

Black Bird 3

When they call, tell them you are fine
When they ask, tell them you are fine
What do they know?
All these people you have housed under your rib cage
Forced into a nation that will never say their names right
Set the standard for love, family and friendships around
So that no one will ever measure up
These people who know your deepest flaws and greatest fears
What do they know about being fluent in solitude?
About being lost, somewhere between despair and East Texas?
About pulling your ribs out, one at a time, to make room for new people?

You are fine
You may feel alone, but you are never really alone
You housed them in your heart, under your rib cage, remember?
You learned to accept that education will probably never make up for ignorance about Islam and "Africa"
This acceptance created room for more people, remember?
You love God and God loves you, and most times, that is all that matters, remember?
You are fine
If you don't like it here, move
But before you do, check your heart
You cannot set fire to the fields and expect nothing to burn*
You might be the one that needs changing, not your location
You will be fine
So when they call, tell them you are fine




*N.L. Shompole